Not one, not two: The Community Conversation on Demystifying Trans Lives

Is it physics’ fault? From my vantage point as an English major who understands science mainly through metaphors I glean for my own writing, here’s my understanding of the 0-1 binary: the value denoted by “0” means “off” or “false” and “1” represents the “on” position or “true.” Who doesn’t long for truth to be expressed in such crisp terms, even as we sense that the vast gray areas of understanding are not represented in this equation?

However, even the black and white of the equation has been expanded to encompass a more complete picture. Qubits (or “quantum bits”) can “occupy 0, 1, or both simultaneously” meaning any value between the two, thus collapsing their direct opposition to each other. The Buddhists have a similar rubric: “not one, not two,” which challenges dualistic thinking and emphasizes our inherent interconnectedness.

Qubits reveal a spectrum more accurately representing our thoughts, feelings, and unfolding lives as individuals and communities beyond black and white. In other words, a rainbow.

This past Wednesday, June 25th, the League of Women Voters hosted a Community Dialogue to Demystify Transgender Lives and Foster Allyship in Santa Monica in partnership with the City of Santa Monica and in collaboration with the Queer Collective and TransLatin@Coalition. 

Dan Hall opened the discussion expressing his appreciation for those who do this work, including those who have come before. He underscored the importance and continued need for authentic allyship. At this point he read an angry email from a Santa Monica resident blaming him and fellow council members for the shooting a few hours earlier. The letter writer had illogically linked the event in support of trans lives to a supposed paucity of Santa Monica police officers. A qubit response would be to instead ask the current roster of police officers to simply walk around the city to more visibly “serve and protect.”

Cancelling the conversation due to the shooting was brought up and dismissed. Maria E. Rodriguez, President of the League of Women Voters sensed how vital the dialogue would be for youth and their families.

She was correct. 

I was not able to attend, but Erika Bell, who was a presenter, relayed the power of the event to us at Bahala’s Coffee & Connections two days later. Erika shared that more than twenty people showed up to the community dialogue, including a youth with their parent. “If this one youth had been the only one there this event would’ve been worth it,” Erika said. “If you were a child between 7th-9th grade or a parent of that child, this city-sponsored support would have meant everything to you.”

Jen Philbin shared her Trans 101 Presentation. “If you call me by the wrong pronouns,” she said. “I’ll correct you, thank you, and keep it moving.”

Erika, who went through a bystander training, gave an Upstander presentation. It combined De-escalation in Conversations with the Bystander Intervention Sampler.

Jen moderated a panel with Maria Roman of the Translatina Coalition and Judy Abdo from the Early Childhood Task Force, the first out lesbian woman to serve as Mayor of Santa Monica. Maria’s answers to Jen’s questions were enlightening and encouraging amidst hearing the devastating details of her personal history. Erika was struck by the parallels between Maria’s experiences and Erika’s anti-trafficking work, underscored by the high percentage of youth in the LGBTQA+ community who are trafficked.

“It was encouraging to hear about the progress made,” Erika enthused. But when the conversation turned to the recent cuts to gender affirming care, the youth’s face and posture visibly dropped. “Their mom looked so concerned,” Erika said with tears in her eyes.

Firm believers in doing things twice to reach more people, Jen and Maria are talking about doing a follow-up event. Years ago, the city asked parents of trans youth what they needed. Their input resulted in licensed clinical social workers applying tools used to heal generational trauma. Taking a page from Dan Hall’s book, Erika emphasized the importance of including success stories. Highlighting the good, the bad, and everywhere in between creates a “physics of healing.” Our collective crocheting a safety net to better protect the most vulnerable members of our community creates, yes, a safer world for everyone.